Not Her Brilliant Mind

My mother has dementia. One day during this journey, I was taking her sister to the airport after a visit. This was often our time to talk about how Mom was doing. My aunt would share her observations, many of which I of course knew and had experienced myself. But staying with Mom 24/7, in essentially the same room for several days, did provide an additional perspective. 

My aunt told me about a mutual high school friend of both her and my mother who texted my aunt regularly to check on Mom. Shortly before Mom’s dementia started to affect her life, she was newly divorced and had reconnected with several high school friends including attending a high school reunion. My aunt said this friend had recently reached out to check on Mom, and my aunt had let her know that her dementia was progressing and she had moved to a Memory Care unit. The friend had replied that she still could not believe this was happening stating “not her brilliant mind.” This immediately made us both tear up. Because it is so true. Mom was wicked smart, and to see what this disease has done to her is nothing short of heart breaking. 

These words have stuck with me ever since that afternoon in the car with my aunt. Dementia does not discriminate. How smart you are or were, does not matter. To watch so much intelligence be taken away is akin to watching a body builder become unable to stand. Loss. Dementia causes so much loss. Mom knows it too. So we mourn the loss of who she was, and try to find brilliance in who she is now.